The lightning struck me

The lightning has finally struck me
The feeling has sunk in.
The hopelessness has taken over
and I have given up.

You were everything I wanted.
And then became everything I craved for,
And your thoughts came to me each night
And always in a sad and very, very hopeless way.
Counting several things I could have done right to make you stay
Remembering each time you told me to go away.
And even though you asked me to leave.
I wished repeatedly I didn't have to
I prayed and I begged the God.
But somehow you always got what you wanted.
And so you had your way with me too
And I dont why I am still writing about you. 

Dreams- more true than the Reality

It was a dream. 

You were a two faced villain. 

You had behaved like a good classmate, 

but then had planned on murdering me.

Murdering me by puncturing my flight (my "flight"- my capability of "touching the skies")

This was a dream about a dear friend. I realize now how true that dream had been. That "friend" actually turned out to be sinister and took away more from me than he ever gave me. I wonder if I am thinking too much of this dream. Maybe, maybe not. But I'll definitely be more attentive toward dreams now.

Both good and bad. 

The infinite void.

I have fought hard.
I have fought the odds.
Each time, yet and again.
Hoping to see some relief in the end
Hoping to see something better in return.

And there are brief period of happiness too.
In between somewhere.
But that happiness is always incomplete.
Always hinged on things I am fighting for.
I am afraid to be happy in fear of unhappiness it will bring next.

How long can you fight for?
Which battles to pick?
What matters the most?
Why do I have to be so brave?
Why can't I just give up?

Well now I have.
I am not going to fight myself anymore
If I can find love and better pay the way I am, fine, else I wont fight for it now.
I am done with all this fight to get better.
Battling with myself since years, and nowhere close to loving myself.

I just hope he knows I tried my best to touch the benchmark he set, I just couldn't. I can't.

Can't love, couldn't ruin!

You were wary of beautiful faces
And you thought you were clever.
Because you had never known love,
You had only seen hurt and impair

Then you met him
He promised you rainbows and sunshine
He said he'll never hurt you
And that he wont be like the other

Then he forgot to both love you or leave you
He just left you hung midway
One day he slammed the door on your face
Because he had begun to love another

He leaves you paralyzed with both hope and fear
You dont know if you love him or want him to suffer
Your city of ruins is once more rattled
But you found neither an apocalypse nor a savior.

Commandments: To me from myself

1. I'll read more, I'll read for happily ever afters, to know of struggles that failed, to know of people in doubt, and to know that they still lived.

2. I'll write a piece everyday, for myself. I'll complete that story that I started, till all the characters I created die their natural death.

3. I'll not give up on myself, I'll love myself. I'll love myself so much that you'll have no choice but to do the same.

4. I'll be kind to others, and to myself. I'll be kind because being otherwise makes me unhappy. I'll be kind even if the circumstances aren't. I'll be kind to compensate for those circumstances.

5. I'll run each morning till my thoughts fail to keep up with me, and they die because they can't breathe.

6. Hugs, I don't know to who yet, but for anyone who wants them. :D

7. I am not perfect, can never be. But I'll be better, I'll strive to be the best. 

8. I've never collected memories. No pics, no diaries, no memoirs. I'll create new ones, and collect them now.

9. I'll be brave. Life lived hopping between obsessions is a tough one, but the most colorful. It'll drain you, but either you'll reach that achingly beautiful vision, or you'll emerge a stronger person in the process.

Can she?

She wakes up in the morning

wanting to go back to sleep

remembering the dream from the last night

the dream in which they were together

Does she still have the right to dream a happy dream?

She wakes up each morning

With groggy eyes and saddened mind

cursing herself for the night before 

when she thought of the time spent in his company

Can she still think of the happy times?

She wakes up with an apology

to herself for falling for him so hard and so selflessly

repeating the word sorry a 100 times hoping it would bring redemption

and still not enough because there is no way to forgive herself.

Should she be the one apologizing for something as simple as love?

She wakes up dreading the day

she doesn't know what should come next

He didn't even give her a chance to show the dearth of her love

the love which just made her lifeless and formless

Can she still go and slap him for his ruthlessness? 

"killing me softly" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFYWMCKGj84

Don't. Not ever again.

Don't say Hi,

I might say hi back to you.

Let the heart shout right now

Go away you. Or I'll cage you in my memories

Don't talk to me,

I might laugh at your silly jokes.

Let the breath break into sobs

Go away you, Or I'll bind you in my words.

Don't look me in the eye,

I might find the blue in them pretty.

Let the nights turn unbearably cold

Go away you, Or I'll etch your face in my eyes

Don't ever meet me again

I might again forget self for you

Let the hopes shatter into pieces

Go away you, Or I'll keep keep you against your will