(This is purely a work of fiction, and my twisted emotions!!)
I am yours to play with
And yours to cuddle to
I am yours to manipulate
And yours to exploit,
I am yours to cry with,
And yours to take to grave.
I am not alone in this world, I never was. Not at that ice cream stall, where I stole Rs 10 of my friend’s to eat an orange bar, just because my mother can’t afford to let me eat ice creams. I was not alone when all my friends were laughing at me, because I still wore that same old school uniform that I had been wearing since I was 5. I was not alone when the teacher shoed me away, because I belong to those, who don’t have a bed to sleep in.
I was not alone when I was standing there, watching my mother being harassed by the only man in her life. I was not alone when that man in my mother’s life, came and thrashed me, because I had failed in exams, once more. I had my secrets with me.
But as they say “Change is the only thing that is constant in life”, well, things changed for me too. My mother finally met a man worth her, and she fled. She fled with joy in her heart, she fled with wings on her back, she fled like a woman in love, she fled like a koyal, leaving me behind.
Leaving me behind with a man who was only feared at his home, and respected by none, a man who if given a chance, would rot to death rather than live a life, a man who would rather not live, than earn for that living. But I have never been alone.
How could I be alone when I watched that man bring substitutes of my mother to home? How could I be alone when that man drank while I starved? How could I be alone when he thrashed me again and again? How could I be alone when I became a substitute to my own mother for that man? I had rage within me.
I had not been alone when I was thrown into the streets to feed for my own self. I had not been alone when I went without food for days. I had not been alone when I was raped and beaten by many strangers. I had my own companion. It was Rage.
Rage proved to be treacherous too. It left me when I was on the street, with a knife in my hand, with cool breeze piercing my body, and my clothes torn, with blood dripping, with the street adorning the blood like it’s a martyr’s. Rage left me, and darkness settled in.
I died, but I was not alone. I died with my secrets with me. My secrets, that never left me. My secrets, those were not for the world, but for me. My secret, the only one’s who loved me in return for my love. My secrets, who will always be with me forever and ever and ever.
